Mommy Brain

I have discovered why it is that new parents cannot talk about anything other than their children. As a non-parent, this of course used to drive me absolutely batshit. Now on the other side of the fence, I have recently
drawn some terrifying conclusions as to why all people with children are mildly insane. Experts have dubbed it "Mommy Brain" - usually referring to a head full of feeding times, soccer schedules, and nursery rhymes, at the expense of creative or challenging ideas. (So widespread is the belief that babies make women brainless that when a satirical website released a fake study showing parents lost IQ points when their first child was born, MSNBC picked it up.) There's a book about it [Mommy Brain - How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter] which actually challenges this premise, although at this point I will take it with a grain of salt.

Let us start with Stockholm Syndrome. Wikipedia (o wonderful plethora of knowledge) describes it as "a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage can show signs of having feelings of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed". The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. (I actually REMEMBER this) In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal. (The most famous [or infamous?] case was that of Patty Hearst, although she was unsuccessful in using that as a defense in her trial for bank robbbery.)

Also per Wikipedia: According to the psychoanalytic view of this syndrome, the tendency might well be the result of employing the strategy evolved by newborn babies to form an emotional attachment to the nearest powerful adult in order to maximize the probability that this adult will enable - at the very least - the survival of the child, if not also prove to be a good parental figure. ***HOLY CRAP, AM I RIGHT ON TARGET OR WHAT??****

Now add in sleep deprivation.

Animal studies suggest that sleep deprivation increases stress hormones, which may reduce new cell production in adult brains. Okay, that explains my partial amnesia when I can't remember WHERE the hell I put my car keys five minutes ago, but I can still recite "PJ FuzzyBunny Goes Camping" without the book, and I can find 6 "binkies" hidden throughout the house in under 10 seconds. It also explains why I put the ice cream in the microwave and the car keys in the freezer.

According to a 2000 study published in the British scientific journal, researchers in Australia and New Zealand reported that sleep deprivation can have some of the same hazardous effects as being drunk. People who drove after being awake for 17–19 hours performed worse than those with a blood alcohol level of .05 percent, which is the legal limit for drunk driving in most western European countries (the U.S. set their blood alcohol limits at .08 percent). Beyond impaired motor skills, people who get too little sleep may have higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression, and may take unnecessary risks. A new study has shown that while total sleep deprivation for one night caused many errors, the errors were not significant until after the second night of total sleep deprivation.

((So what about 3 1/2 YEARS of nightly sleep deprivation? Huh? I'd like to see THAT study. Oh wait - I **AM that study.)

Sleep deprivation is considered by some to be torture. It has been used as a way of interrogating suspected political opponents. First, interrogation victims are kept awake for several days...when they are finally allowed to fall asleep, they are suddenly awaked and questioned. Sleep deprivation has been found able to cause death in animals. Nicole Bieske, a spokeswoman for Amnesty International Australia, has stated, "At the very least, [sleep deprivation] is cruel, inhumane and degrading. If used for prolonged periods of time it is torture."

Did I mention that every new parent I have met in the past 3 years has gushed about how their child slept throught the night beginning at 4 weeks of age? Did I mention that I can't sneak into my daughter's bedroom to watch her nap because she will hear me breathing, wake up and demand a cookie and to watch an episode of "Rug Rats"? Did I mention that my daughter has suddenly decided that sharks live in the shadows in her bedroom and she wakes up twice during every night shrieking? Did I mention that if I let her sleep with me (ostensibly so I can get some rest) that she kicks like a MULE with pointy sharp little feet, talks in her sleep and wakes up 20 times complaining "Mommy I cold" after she has stolen and disposed of all my covers?

So, now I am totally brainwashed. I can't go to Meijers for a gallon of milk without wandering through the Barbie aisle looking for an accessory that we don't already own. Michela's pony is already outfitted with as
much tack as the rest of the horses combined. Even my horse has a "back seat" saddle so darling daughter can ride with me. Michela has more shoes than I have ever owned, combined, in my life (don't forget pink Barbie
cowboy boots solely for riding in!). The grandmas are so geeked about her upcoming ballet recital that they have scheduled hairdresser and makeup sessions, not to mention that we will have an entourage of no less than 9 adult people for a 45 minute event that will probably end with Michela either beating up one of the other hundred kids or running pouting off stage because her dress is blue, not pink.

Wow. I love it.