Weapons Expert

I had to buy a new gun this year. I really liked my “old” revolver, but in order to keep up with the Joneses, or rather, the drug dealers, the Sheriff Dept. mandated a weapon upgrade. No matter that I’m not a paid employee, I’m only a volunteer, but if I want to stay with my unit I had to comply.

My former gun was a Ruger GP-100 .357 stainless steel revolver. Nice, impressive, heavy enough not to kick like a mule, and also shot .38 rounds. Pretty accurate except for a very annoying tendency to misfire when using the crappy “lead-free” ammo (regulated by the EPA of all things) supplied by the weapons range. (I personally think the hammer spring was a little inadequate for the job.) I had had the trigger spring replaced since I have fairly weak hands.

Heck, I’m a girl, I’m just over 5 feet tall and I’m not going to go lift weights. I have hands about the size of an average 10 year old boy. Evidently women’s gloves (and really most clothing designed specifically for females) are not created to be warm, waterproof or useful in any way. So I am required to do that sort of shopping in boy’s sizes. I wear a size 4 ½ boys winter boot, size medium boys gloves….therefore one would think, a medium size boys Carhartt (brand name for insulated farmers overalls). WRONG. Pre-teen boys do not have hips. Or butts, or boobs. I have to buy men’s small sizes and pin them up in the most annoying places. Like removing 9 inches of pantleg. Sheesh. Okay I digress, sorry.

So, I traded in my old gun on a brand spanking new semi-automatic revolver recommended by a weapons expert (the instructor I’ll refer to a bit later). The Springfield (division of Smith and Wesson) XD-40 is so new, in fact, that one simply cannot purchase a left-handed level 3 holster off the shelf, they have to be specially ordered. Level 3 stands for the holster retention ability – i.e. a level 1 has only one strap thingie to undo before getting to the gun; a level 2 has a strap over the gun plus some internal mechanism that forces you to rock the gun to a certain position before you can remove it, etc. All designed for better weapon safekeeping, so the bad guy theoretically has a lot harder time grabbing your gun out of your holster and killing you dead.

I’d had this gun for 4 months and still no holster arrived from the manufacturer. [Not having a holster makes it much more difficult to “qualify” at the weapons range. I was going to have to stick it in my pants pocket and pretend, but a colleague has the same gun and let me borrow his hideout holster, simply a plastic frame that I turned ass-backwards and clipped onto my belt. Didn’t work the greatest but much better than nothing.] Therefore I had not fired it even once. I did get so far as to learn to take it apart for cleaning, but promptly forgot even that.

So I get the gun situated in the makeshift holder, and now have to load the bullets into the magazines (also called ‘clips’). This is the thing I have learned to hate most about this weapon. The clips have a very strong internal spring that force the bullets up to loading position, so strong in fact, that I cannot push more than 10 bullets down into a 12-round slot. Again, weak hands plus lack of practice plus brand new equipment equals major frustration and very sore thumbs. Had to load 3 clips about 3 times each. That was the worst part of the whole ordeal. Why I’ll ever need 36 rounds is a scary thought.

The weapons instructor, while an asshole in real life, was an excellent teacher. I like him, don’t get me wrong, but he can come off as a real know-it-all jerk. He’s married to one of my best friends, but luckily she has just as much backbone as he does (maybe more) so they get along well.

Semi-automatic weapons have all sorts of buttons and mechanisms. I don’t even know all the terms, but there is a button to release the magazine, one to lock back the “slide” (the whole top half of the gun) and one to disassemble it. I purchased this model because it is the most like a revolver, i.e. it doesn’t require being de-cocked before you re-holster it, and it has the least amount of buttons. All this jargon is Greek to me too, so if you’re not familiar with guns, just ignore the technical stuff. I prefer to think of it as low-grade magic.

I get in the firing lane and Dick (instructor, yes that’s both his name and his description) shows me how to work the gun. I’m very confused, and the first thing he says is, “Take everything you learned before and forget it. This will all feel wrong to you if you’re doing it right.”

Yeah, he was correct. I fumbled and sweated and scrambled. I learned how to do a combat reload (when you run out of bullets) versus a sustained reload (when you are not out of bullets but feel the need to switch to a fresh magazine anyway – why, I have NO idea). I learned how to hold the clip properly so that slamming it home into the gun in the right direction becomes a reflex. That’s called muscle memory, which explains why you can often miss an intended exit off the highway if it’s not part of your regular route.

I began firing, and immediately something popped me in the head. Huh? I fired again and felt another thing land in my hair and yet another whiz past my right eye. WTF? Fer chrissakes, it’s a semi-automatic weapon, which means it ejects the shell casings (called: brass) *automatically, duhhh. At my head. [Oh yeah, a .40 caliber has more kick than a .357. Way more than I was ready for, plus the gun is lighter than my old one. I am so not prepared for this. I am also informed that my glasses are not large enough to properly protect my eyes from shrapnel or other missiles (i.e. those damn brass things) my gun excretes]

I am firing madly as my target moves back and forth. One empty shell plops right down my shirt front. These babies are HOT! I swat frantically at my cleavage with one hand while trying to continue firing with the other. The instructor is yelling in my ear “FIRE, DAMMIT, NOW RELOAD!” as this stray piece of brass is fusing to my right breast. (A few more are discovered later on other unprotected areas)

My ears are sweating from the protective muffs. I am agitated and nervous. I can’t get the gun back into the holster. Dick tells the range leader, “Okay, she’s ready to qualify”. YIKES, I barely know how to work this damn thing without killing myself and now I have to *aim too?

There are approximately 57 shots I have to fire for this course. The main target (which I left at Ian’s as a present for Don, bless his beady little heart) is a picture of a bad guy pointing his gun at you. There is a keyhole shaped area encompassing his face and throat, which is the highest point scoring area (5 each). Successive concentric rings outline this with less and less points. I get 4 points for his hair, yet only 2 for a groin shot. Hmmm. (There are 2 targets as we are also required to do “transverse” fire = shooting at more than bad guy) 57 shots x 5 points = 285, the highest possible score. I’m not sure what the minimum requirement is, but I’m pretty sure I’ll have to shoot the course several times before I get the hang of this new gun.

Excerpt from a website about weapons training:

U.S. military provided the police with notions about what constituted a "qualified" shooter, such as "expert", "sharpshooter", "marksman", "rifleman" or "sniper" and various shooter associations have added "master" or "grand master" qualifications as well as instructor certifications. The following table represents the current NRA classification system along with what percentages of accuracy are required, although the lowest rating (below 75%) represents what the U.S. Park Service and other brave authorities have stated off the record as the point when a shooter is so bad, they threaten the safety of bystanders:

High Master	97% or higher
Master	94-96%
Expert	89-93%
Sharpshooter	84-88%
Marksman	under 84%
Danger to Bystanders	under 75%

I wonder why they left off “Danger to Self” which about where I belong today.

The course starts. I can’t detail it, but there are many little segments. The first one is “fire 2 rounds in 3 seconds, repeated 3 times” which means: the target (which has been on edge) will “face” (turn towards you) and remain there for 3 seconds before turning away. During those seconds you must draw, fire and re-holster your weapon; and repeat 2 more times for a total of 6 rounds fired. The target starts just a few feet in front of the booth but will end up 30 yards away. (My biggest problem is that I can’t see where I’m hitting it when it’s that far away, so I can’t correct my aim if it’s off. I do tend to anticipate the recoil a bit, which shows because my groupings tend towards the left of my target.)

There is also firing from behind a barricade, kneeling, firing one-handed (and doing a one-handed reload)… like I said I can’t remember the entire course. I managed to complete the first round and come out of my booth with a sigh of relief. Next time I’ll be more relaxed and will do much better, I think.

I go back to the ammo table and begin reloading my %^*%& magazines in preparation for another go. The Range Instructor (not the same guy who was barking at me) looks up from his computer and says, “How’s it feel to have a GREAT score, Laura?”

What?

I got a 263. Out of 285 possible. 92%.

I’m pretty convinced there was a scoring error. They assure me that this is not the case. Wow. I’m impressed with myself. I might not know how to work my gun but I can still shoot the sh!t out of a bad guy. Imagine what I could do with a little practice.

Sweet.

Avian Idiots

I found another robin's nest in my tractor this morning.  2 eggs.