Waxing Eloquent

Just a short note about the latest silly thing I did. I was over at my friend's house this weekend; she was primping and doing girly stuff, you know, that mysterious stuff that takes up the bathroom for several hours on end. Those of you who know me well will know I have no clue what most of this involves. As a teenager I never had a sister or girly-friend to do that kind of stuff with. My mom forbade me to wear makeup until I was 15, so of course I wore it all the time when I was 14 and then quit since it just didn't seem to do anything for me. Therefore I never really learned what goes on to make women beauteous! Call me Bohemian I guess, but I figure shaving my legs (up to the knees) and pits sometimes isn't even worth it, given the time, energy and inclination I have for dating. And why else would the female of the species need to make herself "attractive" if not to catch a potential mate?

So anyway, I go in and discover Michele applying wax to her eyebrows. I'm not a total stranger to this because my friend Abby raves about it... but I've never really wanted to discover it for myself. I think it involves self mutilation and I'm just not into pain. And honestly folks, if removing hair from about 2 square centimeters of my body will make a difference in how men see me, they're too damn shallow anyway.

I'm sure you can anticipate most of the rest of this story. Yes, I actually *requested to have her do MY eyebrows. I figure, what the hell, hair grows back, right? So she nukes the wax a little more because it must work better while lava-hot. It felt really strange and heavy on my face, and she spread it around liberally. I had no idea that your fricken' *eyelids apparently grow hair too! It tightened up a bit as it dried, feeling like a really strange bandage on the SENSITIVE skin around my eyes and forehead. Then the fun began - that is, if you're a masochist! Of course the only way to get this stuff off is to rip it off quickly like a bandage... Okay I figure, I endured 70+ hours of labor, this should be nothing. R-I-I-I-I-I-P-P-P-P! OH MY FREAKING GOD!!! I jumped half out of the chair, flailing around blindly for some type of weapon to get this face eating monster off me!

Michele waved the first piece of removed wax under my tear-filled eyes, "Hey, girl, you had some freaking Sasquatch goin' on". EEEEUUUUWWW it looked like a dead millipede!!! "Wanna save this for later in case you need a wig?"

Oh she is funny. Wench.

I think I'll pass on the bikini wax.