Adventures in Potty Training, or, “Mommy! I stepped on a frog!”

Sheesh, it’s been MONTHs since I had a) spare time b) motivation or c) brainpower to post here. So many things have gone on, I’ve tried to keep track so I can entertain you with stories, pictures and quotes later.

Kiddo is three going on thirteen; in the last 6 months I’ve been to Mackinac Island, Kentucky, New Jersey, New York, Arizona, 2 funerals, and one movie. I’ve taken up scrapbooking as a hobby (hopefully I’ll get Michela’s baby book done before she graduates high school). My house looks like a tornado hit it.

And of course, today’s catchy title. Michela is getting to the age where farts are funny. Experts reckon that this stage lasts approximately 30 years (70+ in the male species). If you’ve seen Blazing Saddles, you know the campfire fart scene (and if not I’m sure you have enough juvenile humor to imagine one) – let me tell you, my daughter can give any of those bean-guzzling movie cowboys a run for their dinero. She doesn’t just let a little toot, it’s a full grown R-I-I-I-I-I-I-P-P-P-P that puts WWF wrestlers to shame. Several hundred times a day.

It started to become comical when we went to Mackinac last summer. My bashful daughter suddenly became gregarious and outgoing, accosting total strangers in gift shops with the announcement, “Hey Lady! I farted!” as my mother and I tried unsuccessfully to hide behind nearby postcard racks.

Since that time, we have experimented with several euphemisms. Grandma Patti tries to get Michela to say “I foofed”. My dad called them “Arizona Barking Spiders”. Michela has decided rather independently to proclaim that she “stepped on a frog”. It’s actually pretty amusing, since she has several categories of “frogs”. There’s Grandma Frog, Little Baby Frog, and various other amphibian relatives. The first category is reserved for the colossal ones, as evidenced from a recent adventure at the mall -- Michela, upon completing the potty dance, peers into the toilet and exclaims wide-eyed, “Mommy, look! That’s a GRANDMA poop!!!”